So I spent quite a bit of time last weekend with a girl I like - yes I occassionally 'hang out'. Unfortunately Im so me I ended up asking the usual 'does what you do every day bring you joy, satisfaction and happiness'.
I get really scared when answers to that question are structured areound 'things'. A house, a car, a person. Derek Siver writes:
"Most people don’t know why they’re doing what they’re doing; they imitate others, go with the flow, and follow paths without making their own. But only you are responsible for making your perfect world. No matter which goal you choose, there will be lots of people telling you you’re wrong. But it’s your dream; you’re personal dream that you’re responsible for pursuing."
When I sit with people, I listen to what they do, maybe you listen to what I do ; no not for the 8-5 work. The discussions center around what we do after 'work' in pursuit of fulfillment. A few minutes into seating with me you realize how much I want to get into technical training.
Most of you will throw in ideas around that for me. Those aiming at cunsultancy discuss how we can work that in. So for this particular conversation the issue seemed to be how many Ideas I tend to have that never actualize. Or that I don't own a car (it never made sense to me for a long while), or a mortgage. There was visible annoyance. The answer was 'discussing them doesn't mean I want to pursue them all'. It means for the ones (ideas) I discuss with you, I'm happy if you use some or all of them to better your business or life.
This same thing happens alot when I look at someones configuration or design or code and offer improvements. It makes me happy. Having that conversation with this particular person made me yet again realize how different people are. And how much your way of thinking is shaped by school, media and well their personal fears/values.
I for instance hold very interesting views on education and what makes for a good one, home ownership, religion, politics, relationships (human relations confuse the heck out of me) and pretty much everything else. It is on a very rare day I agree with people on most issues.
The focus for me tends to be me being my best self, defining success and goals !for me, then being around people that challenge me, are better than me. They however do this after 'getting' where I'm headed. I hate arguments that feel 'text book' or main stream something like you should be married with two babies by this age, or you should own a house by now raely go down well with me. The same way you should have visited at least 10 countries by now, mastered a musical instrument, climbed at least one mountain, had a pilgrimage rarely gets understood.
And if you ever have a wonder about my worst nightmare: it is living your joyless of joyful dreams as mine goes unaccomplished.....I prefer failing at my own dreams....it makes me happy - yours suck:-) because they are not mine now are they.....
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